Balance

Lately I have been having a bit of trouble with balance. Not work-life balance but mental-body image balance. As weird as it is to admit it, I cannot seem to accept… well… anything.

Let me explain, this past year I decided to genuinely focus on cutting body fat and leaning out. Since I have always been fairly lean/small/fit this was a challenge. In one month I dropped 2% body fat and another 1% the following month. When you are already pretty lean and at a low body fat, this was hard to do.

It meant dedication, consistency and a firm goal in mind. I wanted that body fat number and I wanted those abs. I cut back on alcohol (down to 2-4 drinks per week, anyone who knows me will understand the horror), I took out most high gluten and starch foods and replaced them with better, cleaner carbohydrates. I planned cheat meals and said no to daily indulgences- but I didn’t find it too bad. In fact, it felt great. I didn’t think about chocolate and pizza every night, I loved what I was eating and how my body was responding. Results are an amazing motivator.

 

Four weeks into cutting

Four weeks into cutting

Of course all this was happening while my fiancé was working out West – hence if I didn’t buy it, there was no crap in the house. And truthfully, I wasn`t going to buy an entire pizza for myself. I slowly started to lean out, my body fat dropped and my abs came in – I was ecstatic. I have always loved my body but I was overly cocky at this point.

Fast forward to the last month. I am finding it harder and harder to say no to indulgences but feel more and more guilty when I say yes. Why? Because, while I realize that the body fat I had dropped to would not be maintainable year round I didn’t foresee the mental anxiety that came with it.

Don’t get me wrong, I still eat freakishly rigid and healthy. I still have a low (athletic) body fat percentage, I’m just being crazy. Half of my time is spent battling myself, and it goes something like this:

“My goal is not weight loss, I do not need to cut so I might as well eat ____”
“Oh my god, why did I eat that much _____, I feel like shit. Never again. I need to get back in control”
“F*@& this, I don’t need to restrict!”
“Wow, look at your belly! Honestly you couldn’t say no? How hard is it to have some self control, was it worth it?”

At this point I normally set some new goals for the week and try not to hate myself. This may seem like a small problem but I am spending so much time on these thoughts it’s become an issue.

So where do you draw the line? The one that lets you indulge and feel good about your body? Well you draw the line of course! What I mean is, you plan it.

My fridge on a weekly basis

The thing is, I enjoy eating healthy. It gives me tones of energy, keeps my stomach flat and makes me feel awesome mentally. Does that mean I will never eat cake again? Hell no. But it`s when I am caught off guard that I have these battles. It is much easier to stay in control when you know that you have an awesome cheat meal coming up!

So if you`re struggling mentally with your goals, try planning them out. First off, make sure there is an actual goal in mind and work towards it. Then plan your weeks. Have something to look forward to so that you`re able to decline an option if need be. Lastly, don`t beat yourself up over a bad choice- just move on. Mental balance is just as important as work-life balance. Be proud of yourself that you are working towards something. Feeling guilty over every little thing is a waste of time- you`re better than that.

So here I am starting off with a new mindset! I will have my confidence- and my cake too!!

Keep Dancing 🙂